The Worst Day of My Life

So, I’d say I was having the worst day of my life…but I’m not really sure that covers it anymore. Yesterday was just another day, minding my own business and going to class. Today? Well, I’m currently sitting about two feet off the ground watching my body chase after a squirrel. I don’t even know why. If it’s got any actual biological functions working, I don’t know what they are. Oh, right, I should probably give you some background here, huh? I’m Tess and I’m…I was? I was a medical student here. Sometime last night, someone screwed up pretty bad in one of the experimental labs on campus. Something about working with a strain of rabies? I don’t know the details. Anyway, something happened and now we’re having our own personal zombie apocalypse. And I got killed before I got my coffee. Oh, speaking of coffee. My now creepily animated-body decided to dump the pot of coffee over me…it? Sure, it. Maybe her. I don’t know. How do you refer to your own corpse? Seriously, Universe, last week when I said it would be exciting to live in an episode of Supernatural, I meant as a major character, not ‘Ghost on the Left’. So yeah. Anyway, current working theory on the whole coffee pot incident is that physical addiction remains post-reanimation. I’m half tempted to go down the frat houses and see if any of those idiots have gotten turned yet. That could prove my theory. What would a zombie be like on hallucinogens? God, this would be a glorious thesis. Too bad I’m a little too dead to be a doctor now. Oh, look, I’m off again. Was it another squirrel? Oh…oh…nope. Campus police. Poor guy doesn’t stand a chance. No, you idiot, get off the segway and run. Dammit. Oh, huh, looks like the impulse that keeps us from biting down on our own flesh is gone. Wacky. Also, zombie-me is now missing the tip of her tongue. I’m not overly surprised that instinct goes. I mean, seriously. That’s not exactly rocket science levels of brain function, but it’s still slightly above lizard hindbrain, which is what appears to be in control. The fine motor is largely gone and it looks like the center of balance might be screwed up. I wonder if that’s a common trait or if zombie-me sustained damage? I need to figure out how to haunt a computer or something because I need to take notes on this. I wonder if zombie-me broke my tablet?

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